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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613209">A Non-Seminal Exchange</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FFlove190/pseuds/FFlove190'>FFlove190</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexuality, Established Relationship, M/M, ace!Kunsel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:00:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FFlove190/pseuds/FFlove190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sephiroth and Kunsel have been together for nearly six months. One week before the anniversary, Sephiroth realizes they haven’t had sex yet. The conversation he starts could change everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>FF7 Fanworks Exchange '20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Non-Seminal Exchange</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Up_sideand_down/gifts">Up_sideand_down</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my gift to Upside, for providing the prompt to do that work I’ve always been meaning to do. It really lit a fire in me to finish this fic. It’s only been three years in the making. So. Thanks upside!</p>
<p>Beta’d by:  <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrannosaurus_rose">tyrannosaurus_rose</a>, <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Asylos">Asylos</a>, <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Fish_on_the_tree">Fish_on_the_tree</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sephiroth stared at the date. Logically, he knew, it was the same as it had been this morning. It hadn’t changed when he wasn’t looking and it stared up from the phone with the same numbers it started out with. But he hadn’t recognized its significance until now. Precisely one week away was their six month anniversary. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel, heedless of Sephiroth’s realization, was on the other side of the couch and clicking away on his own phone. Per usual, he was perched on the arm of the couch, looking half ready to leave the barrack to take a call. The only sign he’d made himself comfortable was the helm on the floor. Sephiroth had let him in just a few minutes ago and he knew that it would take approximately thirty more for Kunsel to kick off his boots and settle into the cushion next to him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel, being Kunsel, must have known that their six month anniversary was only a week away. Sephiroth, however, was nothing short of amazed by the idea. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Had Sephiroth ever had a six month anniversary before? He was certain he would remember it if he had. Sephiroth had been with people that made any stretch of time feel like eternity (which was strange because time was linear, how they stretched it without a Time materia was a mystery) and he’d never gone out with anyone for more than a handful of dates between missions. Except now he had. 26 weeks, 19 missions, six months, half a year… </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had been half a year of kisses and laughter, of talking about work and puzzling out problems together, and half a year of pressing close and sharing a bed and… hm? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was odd. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth couldn't remember ever having sex with Kunsel. They had been together for nearly half a year and - somehow - they’d never had sex. Not once. Intercourse, Sephiroth knew, is a critical requirement in romantic relationships. He’d read a paper once positing that relationships were the embodiment of the human mating bond and sexual compatibility was crucial, regardless of whether or not the partners could or would create offspring. Naturally all media, and the opinions of everyone Sephiroth queried, supported this argument. Therefore it was true. Further: failing to engage in sex was tantamount saying their relationship was built on false pretenses! How had they gone on this long without rectifying such a fundamental problem? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>No matter, Sephiroth would solve it now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth turned to his boyfriend. “Kunsel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Disengaging from the screen, Kunsel met Sephiroth’s gaze. Sephiroth always enjoyed watching the miniscule ticks of his boyfriend’s eyes refocusing: it was mesmerizing the way his pupil would dilate and then contract and how it would push the green flecks of his iris around like a swirl of mako. This time was no different.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s up?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth reluctantly stopped getting lost in his boyfriend’s eyes to focus on the matter at hand. Then he was struck by the fact that he would have to bring up the matter at hand. Phrasing was a delicate thing: much too delicate for a man like Sephiroth. Kunsel said that bluntness suited him best, but Sephiroth wondered, suddenly, how blunt he should be? It wasn’t unusual for couples to have discussions about their sex lives. At least, that’s what the media claimed. Sephiroth had never really discussed these things with any of his partners, Kunsel included. So how should he approach it? Yelling as they did in the movies, or perhaps crying as they also did in the movies? Neither seemed appropriate as Sephiroth wasn’t actually upset. Sephiroth had simply noticed a problem that they had the means to rectify. There was nothing to be dramatic about. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you satisfied with our relationship? With just this?” It seemed too broad of a statement. Would Kunsel be able to infer the real reason Sephiroth was bringing this up? Surely he would: he was <em> Kunsel </em>. Kunsel knew what Sephiroth was thinking before Sephiroth did. Always. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em> Just this </em> is enough.” There wasn’t any hesitation when Kunsel said it. Just like always, he had thoughts on every subject Sephiroth broached with him. It didn't matter the topic: whether media, pop culture, work, friends, politics, or apparently the state of their relationship, Kunsel had an opinion about it. “Actually,” Kunsel’s tone was soft in the way he always got when they held hands; Sephiroth’s fingers twitched for their emptiness, “it’s more than enough.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The statement distracted Sephiroth from strategizing how gracefully he could remove Kunsel’s hands from the phone and hold them for an hour. How was their current state enough? It didn’t make sense. They had spent nearly six months together and in all that time they’d somehow failed to fulfill a core dating requirement! Their relationship was sorely lacking! Kunsel, being Kunsel, must have realized this fact long before Sephiroth. Shouldn’t he? Maybe the explanation <em> had </em>been too vague? Sephiroth decided to forgo delicacy so they could address this issue with all the urgency it required. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We need to have sex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel stared like he hadn’t expected that statement, which left Sephiroth as baffled as Kunsel looked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Kunsel asked after mouthing Sephiroth’s words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We need to have sex.” Sephiroth hoped that gesturing between them would be enough elaboration, but in case it wasn’t he continued, “We’ve been together six months in a week, but our relationship is missing something. I’m sorry I just noticed that we were failing to meet minimum requirements.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I…” The expression on Kunsel’s face was one reserved for when he was trying to make sense of a sudden and inexplicable problem. Sephiroth had no idea why he was looking like that: clearly this was a known issue. “What, I… “ Kunsel blinked like he had something stuck in his eyes before he shook his head. Abandoning the arm of the couch, Kunsel slid onto the cushion next to Sephiroth: close enough to touch but not quite doing it. “Wow. Uh. Okay. I’m flattered, as always, when you talk about us. But… I have to tell you something. A lot of somethings, actually.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth measured between his and Kunsel’s hand: too far to easily be held. What did it mean? The space, the tone in Kunsel’s voice - combined they all had the makings of a grave discussion. But what could they talk about that would be so ominous? It was just sex. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel took a breath. Sephiroth counted ten seconds in, then out, as he prepared. Was Kunsel going to posit a short but weighty thesis, or was he preparing for a long speech? Sephiroth inched closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“First thing: romance doesn’t need sex.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What does that mean?” Sephiroth didn’t even think before the words were out of his mouth. It was obvious what the individual words meant, but together they were inexplicable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel thought about this a moment, then abruptly asked,  “Do <em> we </em> need sex?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. Because we are dating. And dating requires sex.” Sephiroth didn’t understand where Kunsel was going with this. If he were talking about the finer points of relationship requirements with anyone else, Sephiroth would worry that his own lack of knowledge made him weak or, worse, a target for misinformation. But never with Kunsel. No matter how strange, inane, or contradictory the discussion, Kunsel always made sure Sephiroth came out of it wiser. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” Kunsel did that little nod he always did when he was trying to figure out how to phrase something, mentally weighing the words and all the potential arguments and counter arguments. Sephiroth tried to appreciate it even though it felt like someone cast Stop on his brain. “But maybe, having sex is an arbitrary requirement. Sort of like eating chocolate.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmm.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth remembered the chocolate discourse. It had been months ago, now, when he’d given Kunsel chocolates (as was mandatory when you were dating someone) and Kunsel carefully explained that he did not like chocolate. Sephiroth had thought it was strange that you could dislike something that activated the pleasure centers of your brain and filled your body with relaxing but short-lived oxytocin. Sephiroth liked chocolate and, according to the media, everyone liked chocolate. Except Kunsel. Giving gifts of romantic food, and sharing said food, was a requirement when dating someone. After numerous attempts with different types of chocolate (to which Kunsel insisted that he didn’t like dark, white, milk, or really <em> any </em>kind of chocolate), Sephiroth determined that there was a suitable replacement and presented his boyfriend with strawberries. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That doesn’t make sense.” Sephiroth finally said. “There are alternative romantic foods apart from chocolate. There is no alternative to sex. It is mandatory.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” Kunsel did that little nod again, and this time he shifted his weight on the couch, too. Something about the posture made Sephiroth think he was preparing for a blow. Stranger still, where Sephiroth was used to deliberation in Kunsel’s eyes, there was only hesitation. “What if I were to tell you that I didn’t want sex?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This made even less sense than not liking chocolate. You couldn’t be in a relationship without sex. This was a fact. So why would Kunsel want to be in a relationship and he did not want to have sex? That was a contradiction. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“... what?” Sephiroth crinkled his face, hoping that it might enliven his neurons. It did not. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ugh.” Kunsel’s frown came with a sigh - a short one, full of endeared frustration Sephiroth was sure. “Maybe I made this too roundabout… I just - okay.” There was a careful breath, steadying, and he said. “I’m asexual.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth thought he couldn’t be more baffled but here he was. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You… that is not a thing humans can be, Kunsel.” Sephiroth was certain he would have heard otherwise by now if it was. In fact, he made a point to keep up to date on scientific news. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not -” Kunsel huffed a bit through his nose - usually a sign that he was exasperated or delighted at Sephiroth’s cluelessness about the mundanity of civilian life. Which made Sephiroth curious about <em> how </em> being asexual was inherentily civillian. “Not in the biological sense. Asexuality in humans is a sexual orientation. What it means is that I don’t feel sexual attraction.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth tried to understand the meaning behind the words. He failed. Those nouns just didn’t mean what Kunsel thought they meant, did they? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay… let’s see.” Kunsel frowned with a nod. It was rare for Kunsel to be so deliberative in a discussion - he hadn’t been this way since the chocolate discourse. “Okay. You know how some people get aroused by thinking about a specific real life person, and thinking about doing things with them?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“... yes.” Sephiroth had plenty of sexual fantasies involving Kunsel. That he often forgot about acting on them was beyond the point of the current discussion. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well. I don’t.” Kunsel had that little half-smile on his face he only got when he found the right way to explain a concept. “That feeling is sexual attraction. I don’t understand it. Well, I mean, I do theoretically. But I don’t feel it, never have - not even for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth mulled over the words. He would not reject a statement without first considering it, no matter how illogical it appeared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Were this statement true, it would make sense. Kunsel had never offered sex, nor instigated it; of course he gave Sephiroth kisses and cuddled close unprompted, but those were not inherently sexual actions. Sephiroth’s previous partners had always initiated and he’d never given the dynamic much thought until now. Sex was simply something that happened to him and he happened to enjoy it. Further, intercourse was simply one of those things that happened while dating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Therefore: shouldn’t they be having sex? Shouldn’t they have already had sex? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But if Kunsel didn’t want sex, what did that mean? Could - could Kunsel have been misleading him? Could it be they weren’t actually dating at all? No. That was an irrational thought: Kunsel was not a man who wasted time. They had spent long nights together talking about topics like the plays they should see, and sharing kisses, not even looking at their phones until morning. Why would Kunsel bother using his time like that if they <em> weren’t </em> dating? There was nothing Kunsel particularly gained by spending time together either: he spent hours in Sephiroth’s barrack room that was only a handspan larger than Kunsel’s, he asked for no special training, he received no classified information, and nothing Sephiroth had spoken to him about made it to the tabloids. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel clearly enjoyed his company almost as if they were dating. But what did that <em> mean </em>with this new information? Dating required intercourse but Kunsel didn't want that. So what were they doing?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What about us?” Sephiroth finally asked. “What does that make us? We can’t date if we don’t have sex.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haven’t we already been doing that?” Kunsel’s voice was wry: the sound of it made Sephiroth’s head lighten with the promise that things were going to make sense again. “A lot of people think that dating is just a prequel to having sex with someone. They’re not really in it for the dating part.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth’s head immediately leadened with the contradictions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“... I’ve never heard of this phenomenon,” was what he decided to say. Because, technically, Kunsel was correct. They were performing many of the requisites to dating, but they had not accomplished one of the most crucial steps in romance: sex. And they’d been dating for months!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course you haven’t.” Kunsel let his shoulders droop as he only did when his carefully planned argument fell apart.  “Genesis and Angeal are too romantic for that. No, let’s…” his shoulders straightened and he nodded again with a quick regroup. “What I want to ask you, right now, is do you <em> want </em> to have sex with me?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Sephiroth didn’t understand why Kunsel was asking such a basic question. “Why are you asking? Of course I do.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I mean,” Kunsel huffed, “you’ve never initiated in your previous relationships, right?” Sephiroth was beginning to wonder if he would ever have any secrets from his boyfriend, and how many Kunsel would quietly wait for him to bring up. At this point Sephiroth shouldn’t be surprised, but he still was. It must have been obvious on his face, because Kunsel continued, “I did some investigating before I got the nerve to ask you out, just enough to learn that… that maybe we were the same.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel’s voice grew quiet, and almost hesitant. Kunsel must have liked the way it sounded less than Sephiroth because he rolled his shoulders and cleared his throat. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words sat heavily in his gut and Sephiroth had to say something. He knew from experience that saying something would lessen the feeling. “I…” What should he say? “I didn’t want to have sex with you at first.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Kunsel smiled at Sephiroth, the relief was short lived: there was tension in his eyes even before the frown emerged. “I - that’s even more flattering. I wish - I wish I could return the sentiment.” A shrug here as his tone shifted to that familiar teacherly one. “No, I… I think you might be demisexual. It’s when you don’t feel sexual attraction to someone until you get to know them.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth recognized Kunsel’s tactic of distracting and focusing on a sub-problem when the larger one wasn’t getting resolved. That was how Kunsel worked: breaking down things into manageable chunks. It was particularly obvious in his written reports, but whenever a concept was difficult to explain Sephiroth was reminded of the habit all over again. Instead of lingering on the bigger issue, Sephiroth followed the trail his boyfriend laid out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Demisexual… isn’t that simply the definition of dating?” Sephiroth wondered how he’d never heard of it before. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel laughed. “For some people, yes.” Their eyes met again and his laugh died before his expression turned strained. It was strange: Kunsel always put educating Sephiroth about the facts before any personal feelings. The fact that he couldn’t separate the two belied how much this meant. “Ah, this is… this is not the conversation I expected to be having tonight.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me either,” Sephiroth admitted, observing Kunsel carefully. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel looked away but his focus went to a spot on the wall instead of anywhere important, like his phone or the door. His eyes were moving back and forth like he was reading an internal script. There was a tick in his jaw and a strain around his eyes. Sephiroth assessed his database of Kunsel cues and recognized that his boyfriend was genuinely distraught. This bothered Sephiroth more than anything they were talking about. Why was Kunsel so upset?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A deep breath and Kunsel had centered himself again - the tension in his face less and a hint of a smile on his lips. “It’s on me, for miscalculating this so bad. But… for what it’s worth, I think our relationship is <em> real </em>. In fact it’s everything from the fact that I can fall asleep with you, and that you make sure to wake me up in the morning, to that you always listen even when you don’t understand, and to the way you melt into hugs and kisses like I’m giving you the best thing in the world. I lo -” Kunsel took a breath. “Sex… sex isn’t something that factors into any of that.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Warmth pooled in Sephiroth’s chest. It was the same warmth that he’d begun to associate with Kunsel. Worry had smothered it, but the sensation flared back like dry grass had met a match.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“... oh,” Sephiroth realized. “This is why you mentioned that friendship and romance are different, yes?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.” This smile was reserved for when Sephiroth understood something Kunsel had been trying to say: excited, eager, and proud all at the same time. Somehow Sephiroth got even warmer. But, the words that followed the smile startled him with their flatness, “No detail escapes your attention.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth tried to understand the tone, the phrasing of the words. Sarcasm? Kunsel was not prone to it the way Sephiroth’s friends were. Kunsel was still upset. About their relationship? About this conversation? Sephiroth wanted to fix it immediately and get Kunsel to smile again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you frustrated with me?” Would it be strange if he were? Kunsel was more emotionally invested in this than anything other discussion they’d had in the past. That was the strange thing. Once they had a conversation about religious beliefs and practices (of which Kunsel had some and Sephiroth none) and Kunsel hadn’t been bothered by invasive questions or misunderstandings. But now he was. What was the difference? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. No, I’m not. I’m not frustrated with you.” A sigh, short and harsh as Kunsel looked away again. Then his eyes flicked back and his shoulders straightened. “I’m frustrated that - that we didn’t have this conversation a long time ago. It was my mistake for making an assumption. And I’m worried that… this might be the dealbreaker.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dealbreaker?” Sephiroth hadn’t been aware they were working on a deal. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>That got a small smile. It was one of Kunsel’s half-smirks when he thought something Sephiroth did was funny but didn’t want to call him out on it. The warmth in Sephiroth’s chest only spread and he felt as if he was floating. The smile passed when Sephiroth blinked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah. It’s a, uh, colloquialism where the ‘deal’ is the future of our relationship. Thus ‘dealbreaker’ is the thing that breaks us up.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth didn’t follow the leap in logic. The term made sense: many relationships were precipitated on an assumption of future associations, including his with Kunsel’s. But why would this conversation be the thing to break it? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And I’m worried,” Kunsel continued slowly the way he only did when he hadn’t planned a statement, “that you want something I can’t give you. If you need sex from your partner I - <em> can’t </em> be your partner. It’s the dealbreaker.” Kunsel’s voice cracked, just once, and he quickly cleared his throat. He didn’t blink away the watery sheen in his eyes as he stared at Sephiroth’s face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I see.” The warmth in Sephiroth’s chest pushed against the chill in his stomach. It was an uncomfortable sensation. “I… have to think.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, go ahead.” Kunsel hadn’t needed to say it, but he did. He always allowed Sephroth time to think no matter the subject - even if it was apparently the potential end of their relationship. Unlike usual, Kunsel didn’t fiddle with his phone or watch Sephiroth’s face. Instead he stood from the couch and began to pace the length of Sephiroth’s quarters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fact that his boyfriend was up and moving worried Sephiroth so much that he couldn’t do what he’d intended. Kunsel only paced when he was well and truly upset. Even Sephiroth had only witnessed it once before. It had happened after a bad mission: the type everyone experiences at least once but no one ever likes to talk about. Where others might have drowned their sorrows or chased distractions, Kunsel took a hard look to figure out what he did wrong and how to never do it again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel was the most distressed Sephiroth had ever seen him. The more he watched his boyfriend’s back and forth in front of the couch, the more he noticed the creeping sensation. There was a numbness spreading through Sephiroth’s veins like Paralyze. It started in his stomach and constricted his lungs before finally freezing his brain. Kunsel was upset because of Sephiroth. Nausea swelled up and Sephiroth breathed deeply. He tried to focus. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel wasn't upset because of him. It was because of their discussion. Because Kunsel, despite being Kunsel, had made a mistake. Because of the possibility that Sephiroth’s conclusion would be contrary to Kunsel’s. That this would be the 'dealbreaker.'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If - a frantic thought supplied - if Sephiroth did not come to a conclusion they'd never have to find out whether the deal would break or not. And then they could simply stay together and pretend they never had this discussion in the first place.They would just go back to the way things had always been. Sephiroth took a sharp breath as he imagined it. No. Making no decision was its own decision and that came with its own regret. Kunsel would remain upset and Sephiroth would always doubt he'd made the right choice. They would stagnate together until they didn’t want to be together at all. This was not an option. If it had to end, he would face it. Kunsel deserved that much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With effort, Sephiroth turned his focus away from Kunsel and began to think. The thump of Kunsel’s boots and the swish of his pants were a constant cadence he ignored:  thump-swish-thump-swish-turn. He pushed aside his concern and his worry to analyze the problem the way Kunsel taught him: break it into manageable chunks. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Did Sephiroth <em> need </em> sex? Whether or not he required it was moot. Dating required sex to differentiate it from friendship. This he knew. But, somehow, he had a sense that their relationship was <em> already </em> different than friendship? Sephiroth had never calculated it but the more he pondered the more certain he was. Sephiroth didn’t have many friends, but he drew up the commonalities anyway: they talked about work, they talked about whatever hobbies they had, they participated in pastimes together (from training to throwing swords at apples), and he would do anything his friends asked. All of these things also applied to his relationship with Kunsel. Being with Kunsel was also <em> more </em> than that: Sephiroth was never that physically close with his friends outside of sparring - an arm’s length away at closest; he did not want to discuss his fears or worries with them; his stomach never felt quite so pumped of endorphins when he was with them; and he never felt quite so relaxed in their presence. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>As such their relationship was different than friendship. But were they dating if they didn’t have sex? Perhaps the definition was malleable? He’d never actually looked up what ‘<b>date v. dating’</b> meant. If what Kunsel said was true and a romantic relationship did not require a sexual one, then did <em> Sephiroth </em> need sex? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a silly question to think about. Sexual acts without the intent to reproduce were merely for pleasure. Sephiroth appreciated the rush and the relaxation that followed, but he did not need it. While Sephiroth’s previous relationships had been formed of all requirements (kisses, chocolate, and sex), the only particularly memorable thing about his partners had been their skill in bed. He had enjoyed his time with them in the same way he enjoyed training: hard, and fast, with no routine lasting more than a month. When Sephiroth thought of the time he spent with his former partners and the time he spent with Kunsel, there were more differences than just whether or not they had sex. More than anyone else, Sephiroth could read Kunsel and understand what he was feeling - it was a skill he had gained after the countless hours they spent just talking to each other. Sephiroth hadn’t talked much with his ex’s: they had sex, yes, but they had never felt particularly close. In fact, he’d never spent time with former partners that consisted of simply sharing a kiss and nothing more as they basked in mutual warmth in bed, or talked with them until his eyes were bleary and his throat sore, or simply sat together and worked from their phones until it was time to sleep… </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Being with Kunsel was different from all of Sephiroth’s other relationships: it made him feel calmer, freer, and some other curious emotion he couldn’t name. Was it pride? Happiness? Contentment? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth didn’t need sex, and perhaps being romantically involved didn’t need it either. That was a strange thought, but not nearly as strange as discovering Kunsel didn’t enjoy chocolate. Chocolate, as far as Sephiroth knew, was also a staple of romantic relationships. They both, however, enjoyed strawberries (which were also suitably romantic): Sephiroth ate his with chocolate and Kunsel with whip cream. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>If they could make that adjustment, acknowledge the differences between them and still function as partners, why shouldn’t they try this? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel didn’t immediately look over when Sephiroth stood. Likely he wasn’t expecting a response yet, thought more analysis was happening, so he kept pacing and pointedly not looking in Sephiroth’s direction. For a brief moment, Sephiroth considered grabbing a hand to stop the constant back and forth. But he knew that physical contact can be unwanted when upset, and he also knew that Kunsel preferred to work out his frustration with movement. Sephiroth decided to speak instead. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t need sex,” Sephiroth announced. Kunsel jumped at that before whirling around to face him, looking almost shocked - almost, because his expression seemed more desperate than anything. “I would like to have sex, especially with you as my partner. But I don’t need it. I’d much rather be <em> with </em>you in all the ways we have been. It makes me happier than sex - or chocolate.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Blinking, Kunsel opened his mouth but didn’t say anything yet. His eyes were moist in the way that Sephiroth had only seen when Kunsel was particularly moved after something they’d watched - before he painstakingly explained why and how it moved him. The way Kunsel started to smile confirmed that the unshed tears were happy. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s the sappiest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Kunsel croaked. Now a tear actually spilled from the corner of his eye. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This, of course, made Sephiroth furrow his brow and respond with the obvious: “Sappy? That was sappy?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words sent Kunsel into a peal of laughter. It was the familiar warm tone Kunsel used when he thought something was adorable but didn’t know how to express it without sounding rude. “Dang, I - I love you so much.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth’s stomach dropped like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, which was strange because he was simply standing in front of Kunsel. The feeling was immediately followed by a warmth that expanded from his chest to his toes. Not sure what to do about it, he said instead, “Isn’t <em> that </em> the sappy thing?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel laughed again and sagged into Sephiroth like a weight had been lifted from him. The way Kunsel shook against his chest made Sephiroth smile, too. He put a steadying hand on his boyfriend’s elbow just to keep him close. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was strange. Kunsel said ‘I love you’ and Sephiroth felt something in return. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard the phrase: he’d heard it from fans, to old partners, to the friendly ‘I love you, man.’ But he’d never <em> felt </em> anything in response to them. He didn’t understand what this feeling was, but maybe Kunsel would know. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wonder if I love you, too,” Sephiroth said when the laughter quieted. As soon as he said it he thought it was silly that Kunsel might know: emotions were entirely subjective things. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arms snaked around Sephiroth’s waist and two handprints of warmth seeped through the leather on his back. This was one of Sephiroth’s favorite sensations. When he angled back to see Kunsel’s face, the expression he saw was the one Kunsel had when he finished eating a strawberry: a content smile and a softness in his eyes. It made Sephiroth wrap his own arms around Kunsel and pull him closer, until their bodies fit together like gears. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll work on it and let you know.” Sephiroth promised because he felt like he should. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Kunsel said. He angled his face up and they kissed, then, just as soft as Kunsel’s smile. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For what? The promise?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, for,” Kunsel squeezed his arms. Out of habit Sephiroth named the muscles that tightened against him, “for being you. For being so level headed and open minded and adorable and just - <em> you </em>.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was silly to thank someone for their nature - especially when Sephiroth didn’t fully agree with Kunsel’s assessment - but he still said, “You’re welcome.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kunsel laughed just once and pressed another kiss to Sephiroth’s lips. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sephiroth didn’t need sex, or chocolate - he just needed Kunsel, the warmth of him and the sound of his voice and the texture of his hand. And one day Sephiroth would figure out whether that strange emotion in his chest was love. With any luck, he would know in a week.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sephiroth will always think back to this conversation and say, “It was non-seminal. The state of our relationship did not change, and we continued to not have sex.”<br/>Kunsel, meanwhile, becomes verklempt, “Non-seminal? It was the most seminal thing! This was the turning point of our entire relationship! You accepted my mistakes, my sexuality, and - and  practically said you loved me.”<br/>Sephiroth is baffled by the rebuttal and responds as usual: “But I didn’t say that.” Then he makes sure to add: “And I do love you now.”<br/>“Aww,” Kunsel always responds. “I love you, too.”<br/>“I know.” Sephiroth says with a satisfied smile.<br/>They proceed to be so sweet that cotton candy seems bitter by comparison.</p>
<p>====</p>
<p>Hello readers! I hope you enjoyed this fic. I'm so happy I can finally share it! You wouldn't think it took three years for me to write, but it did. There were over 20 drafts and more re-writes than I can count on a single hand. Just a few months ago, I was convinced this story would never get finished. Now here it is! As an author, it feels cliche to say: but this story was such a journey. It has been, perhaps, the most challenging thing I've ever written. I've always had an aversion for simplicity in my plot; I always want more action, more melodrama, and more characters to mess with. This started as a prequel for an eventually Z/K/S fic where Zack is poly but the focus somehow ened up mostly on Zack even tho he wasn't in it, and then it turned into a huge argument from Kunsel's PoV that was stilted and a mess, and then the argument was from Sephiroth's perspective, and then Angeal and Genesis were entirely unhelpful friends and fanned the flames, and now it's this - just two adults having a difficult conversation and coming to a conclusion. So, if your a writer out there struggling with the thing: just know if I can do it, you can. :3</p>
<p>Hope you enjoyed your stay with Kunsel and Sephiroth. I hope all of your difficult conversations can be resolved with just as many hugs and smiles. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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